cerita "tak cukop saploh sen"

Cerita ini berlaku pada sepasang suami isteri yang baru mendirikan mesjid..mereka pun pergi la honeymoon kat Cameron Highland..ok..dipendekkan cerita..pada malam pertama mereka..cam biasa la..si isteri dah siap-siap..si suami pula dah tak sabar nak melakukukan aksi yang selama ni diidamkannya..baru ja nak starting..si isteri berbisik pada suami..

"i tak nak anak lagi..kalau bule setahun dua baru i nak anak'..

hurrmm...si suami akur dengan pintaan isterinya..terpaksa la menggunakan kaedah pencegahan kehamilan..KONDOM!!..

tapi malangnya..benda tu dia tak bajet lak nak bawa..dengan tergesa-gesa terketar kepala si suami bergegas ke 7 eleven berhampiran..

dah sampai kat 7 eleven berhampiran..cuma terdapat dua jenis kondom yang tinggal..1st kaler hitam..2nd kaler purple..yang hitam lebih murah sikit..cuma RM1.90 manakala yang purple RM2.00..then si suami bercadang nak tapau la yang purple tu..tiba-tiba dia dapati yang dia tertinggal wallet lak..jem..dia pun pergi la check dashboard kreta..cuma ada duit syiling ja..setelah dikira..ngam-ngam ja RM1.90..so terpaksa la angkat yang itam tu..tiada pilihan lain..

si isteri kat bilik dah tak tahan sangat..kebetulan pintu lak tak berkunci..si Muthusamy..cleaner hotel kebetulan lalu kat area tu..kebetulan lampu lak ditutup..banyak sangat kebetulan ni..apa lagi Muthusamy pun masuk la mengomol si isteri yang sedang dahagakan kaseh sayang..setelah selesai acara pembayaran bil si Muthu pun beredar..fuuuUu~~

si suami pun pulang dan meneruskan nawaitu yang selama ni diidamkannya..tanpa syak apa-apa terhadap isterinya..

selang beberapa puloh tahun kemudian,.merak dikurniakan dua cahaya mata..yang sulong lelaki..yang bongsu perempuan..si abang selalu dihina kerana burok rupa parasnya..selalu dipulau..disumpah seranah..oleh kereana dah tak tahan dimaki hamun dan malu dengan bentuk fizikalnya..terlaintas niatnya dihati nak bertanya bapanya..kenapa hanya dia ja yang lain dari yang lain?kenapa dia tak dak sedikit pun iras-iras makpaknya..
dia pun tanpa berlengah pergi menghadap sibapa..Naseb dia tak baek ari tu...mood si ayah agaak kurang baek..lalu bertanya..

"ayah..kenapa saya seorang ja tak sama macam adik.mak,dan ayah.??kenapa warna kulit saya berbeza??? "'
si ayah dengan bengang menjawab...

"NASIB KAU KIRA BAIK..AYAH TAK CUKOP SEPULOH SEN ARITU!!!"

nk kawen???erkkk...

nah aku bagi syarat syarat kt kaw..

1. aku akan kawen dua.trima ka tak trima ka kau kena redha..sian sama kt pompuan laen..
2. tamau wat knuri apa-apa..abes grand pn panggil adek bradek mkn bihun talam ja..
3. nk tido asing-asing..aku ngah wat ujikaji idup tanpa seks..u can touch but u kenot go..
4. takleh tangkap gambar kawen..geli aih duk gantung pikce dlm umah pake pakeyan sultan..adoi..
5. aku cerai la tu jugak kalu kau panggil aku "abg" "b" "papa" "syg"..eeuuww~
6. kau mesti ada handskill yg dasyat..esok2 aku mati tak la kau jadi janda jalang..meniaga body sana sini.
7. no tunang,merisik,putus blanja,bersanding,serta acara-acara aneh yg sewaktu dgnnya..akad nikah cukop..
8. kapel abes lama pn sblum kawen 2 minggu..pas kawen bawu kita brtukar biodata okeh..

nampak la sinar-sinar yg aku tak kn kawen..cirlakosh tol..hahaha...

friendSHIT by NATASHA

Friend (n) a person whom one knows,likes,trusts / an acquintance / a person whom one is allied in a struggle or cause / a comrade / one who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group,cause or movement

Word history : a friend is a lover, literally. The relationship between Latin amīcus "friend" and amō "I love" is clear, as is the relationship between Greek philos "friend" and phileō "I love." In English, though, we have to go back a millennium before we see the verb related to friend. At that time, frēond, the Old English word for "friend," was simply the present participle of the verb frēon, "to love." The Germanic root behind this verb is *frī–, which meant "to like, love, be friendly to." Closely linked to these concepts is that of "peace," and in fact Germanic made a noun from this root, *frithu–, meaning exactly that. Ultimately descended from this noun are the personal names Frederick, "peaceful ruler," and Siegfried, "victory peace." The root also shows up in the name of the Germanic deity Frigg, the goddess of love, who lives on today in the word Friday, "day of Frigg," from an ancient translation of Latin Veneris diēs, "day of Venus."

Our frens are like angels,

Who brigten our days,

In all kind of wonderful,

Magical ways.

Their thoughtfulness comes,

As a gift from up above,

And we feel we're surrounded,

By warm, caring love.

Like upside down rainbows,

Their smiles bring the sun,

And they fill ho-hum moment,

With laughter and fun.

Frens are like angels,

Without wings,

Blessing our lives,

With the most precious things.

But wut? Frenship? Luv? Fun? Wut? Wut is frenship? Luv? Loyalty? Devotion? If its luv, how come there's hate? If its loyalty, then how come there's betrayal? If its devotion, how come there's infidelity?

Best frens....wut is a best fren anyway? Do ppl really can grasp the concept of best fren? Wut is the concept anyway? How many ppl out there boast to have loads of best frens? How many ppl say they have only a handful of best frens? How many ppl say that they only have 1 ultimate best fren? N how many ppl say they don't have a single best fren? Owh...n how many ppl say that they don't have a best fren but their frens consider them to be a best fren? Ok...me...do I have a best fren? Lemme recap, shall I?

When I was 8 years old, I had a best fren. He was a new guy at school n ppl didn't want to befren him coz he's a 'mat salleh celup' with an obnoxious british slang. But we became the best of frens. I knew his family n he knew mine. He lives just in front of my house. N coz of him, I had another best fren. He was quiet n mysterious so naturally, I was attracted. But fate weren't kind. After just a few months, my darling fren had to move to London. He n his family came to my house after dinner one night to say goodbye. Tho it was 15 years ago, I remembered it as it was last night. I fought back my tears with all my might. So now its just me n Mr. Mysterious. But was even more cruel. One day on my bus ride home, I said to him that I can't wait to see him the next day n he just smiled...so sweetly...so promising. The next day when the bus stopped in front of his house, he's not there. So was the day after, n the day after that, n the day after that...n 3/4 months passed by. Finally, I asked one of his classmates, n she said he n his family had already moved out of the country for months. There...me...an 8 year old...had my 1st abandonment by a best fren.

I was 10 n there was a new gurl in my class. She looked so lonely so I approached her. We introduced n months after that became the very best of frens. We were inseparable. But she was a greedy n selfish fren. I was hers n hers alone. I was not allowed to befren anyone else. In the end, I have no other frens. My world revolves around her. A year passed n I feel like I'm more of a "servant" to her. Slowly, she starts to reject me...leaving me behind...saying mean things. Finally, I had a revelation. My dear fren had never liked me. She said I was never worthy of her frenship...said that she had been meaning to ditch me for a year. N finally I knew that almost everything she ever told me was a lie. There...an 11 year old...experienced my 1st betrayal.

At 12, I had befrended 3 interesting individuals - Mr. Catlover, Miss Pianoplayer n Miss Teacher's pet. Everywhere we go, there were always 4 of us...everything we did, we did together. But after more than half a year, Miss Pianoplayer n Miss Teacher's pet starts to ditch me. They had secrets together n I was their distraction. Finally, I was forced to go on my own way. But I was happier so I didn't mind. One beautiful day, Miss Teacher's pet n Miss Pianoplayer had a HUGE fight n swore that they would never be frens again. Now, best frens had became worst enemies. Suddenly, I find both of them grovelling at my feet...trying to win their fucking insincere selves back into my life. N the secret unfolds...Miss Pianoplayer said Miss Teacher's pet had never liked me n since she knew bout my heart condition, often wished for me being sicker..or better, dead. Miss Teacher's pet said Miss Pianoplayer had never liked me coz I talked too much n my high-pitched voice were so irritating. I did the right thing. I said both of them can go fuck themselves...or each other..whichever they like better...only my request were far more innocent than wut I would say now. N on my 12th bday, it was raining cats n dogs for hours. But Mr. Catlover came just to give my bday present...which I still have after 15 years. N the interesting part was that my 2 so-called-best-fren forgot it was my bday n said its a waste of their money to buy any pressies. Surprise surprise!!! Azahir...thanx for being kind to me for that whole year.

At 14, my so-called-best-fren-when-I-was-11 tried to be in my good graces back but hey...we're too different by that time. She's the goody2 2 shoes,math whiz,diligent kinda gurl...n I was the social misfit. N hey...after u gave me a great lesson in life, u think I still wanna kiss ur ass? Go kiss ur own ass babe.

By the time I was 17, I was acquinted with a very shy guy from Kedah. Despite his shyness, he was quite the gentleman...n one of the very good ppl that Ive ever known. N for that, n after a couple of years of frenship, I considered him to be one of my bestest frens. He's helped me thru loads of things. He was always there for a shoulder to cry on. N he even said once "No matter wut happens, I would never allow anyone to hurt u. If they did, I will hunt them down til the day that I die". When ur best fren said that, I'm sure u would feel as tho u have found a true fren. A true fren indeed...my ass! He was soooo in luv with a fat bitch who really look like a hippo. Never met the bitch in person but hey...thank Allah for that. I called my dear fren to ask him of a favour. He didn't answer any of my calls...until I got a msg from his number but said it was from his owh-so-GIGANTIC-gf saying that her darling bf had said a lot of things bout me n that she wanted to meet me in person. We began msging each other for a while. After an hour or so, I called back my dear fren but still he didn't answer. Then I got a msg from his number but from his owh-so-beautiful-my-ass-gf but this time she said I was a bitch. Huh...now where did that come from? I just dialed my fren's number n suddenly I'm a bitch. Am I crazy? Or she is??? Then the fat bitch called me. She said her darling pet-sister said I was a bitch n everyone in school hates me. I said I just called my best fren to ask him of a favour. It seems that my dear fren was actually beside his owh-so-well-mannered-my-ass-gf coz I can bloody hear his voice. N his fat pig of a gf asked him sweetly "Is she really is ur best fren?" n my dear2 fren said "She was never my best fren. My life would be better without knowing her". I heard his said those magic words myself...n it strucked me like a blade to my heart. At that very moment, I felt the worst betrayal. I cried for days becoz of that. He apologised to me the next day saying he didn't know y he said that. He practically begged for my forgiveness at my feet...but I said it once n I said it again...my dear Hatta, n thank u for all the great memories that u gave but most of all, I thank u for opening up my eyes that luv n trust is never wut they seem to be. My dear Hatta, I will never forgive u for the hurt that U have so generously bestowed upon me n I can honestly say that I pray only for suffering n a slow torturous death for u my dear fren. N i can guarantee that even THAT can't compare to the hurt of the betrayal that u have so kindly give to me. To Emma...ure a fat bitch n I thank Allah everyday coz I have never meet u in person coz I would surely throw up at ur face...may u rot in hell. U n Hatta make an ideal couple. N to Emma's pet sis Amelia...oi...news flash...it was u were always the bitch n it was u that everyone in school never liked. It everyone in school really does hates me, I don't give a damn coz I don't like them...never did n never will. My dear ?Hatta, even as I'm typing this, I'm still crying n still hurting. Thank u very much for that.

Coz of Hatta, one of the greatest guy on earth is my best fren...Mr. Sweet Libra. I said it once n I say it again "If u would betray one day, trust me...I would never trust another guy again". Guys...take note...for me, its possible to luv someone 100% but i could easily trust u 0% at the same time. But surprise surprise...with a job as a manager n a owh-sooooooooooooooooooooo-beautiful-gf, he's so busy that trust me...if I die now, he wouldn't even know. His reasons would always say he's too busy but Hidir...Shasha pon busy gak. N when I say I'm busy, trust me that I could be a hundred times busier than u are...but I still could find time to see u at work...to see how u are doing...to say that I miss my dear fren n his brotherly luv...but thanx to u, u proved that its impossible for just anyone to care even the tiniest bit bout me.

N there was a gurl...she was one of those few ppl that I could really consider being my best fren. I was 16. But the interesting part about her was when I was 8, she used to literally locked me out of her house coz I'm a pauper. I'm too poor to even set foot in her house. I was shouted by her mom coz I harassed her darling daughter. All that becoz she claimed I stole her best fren. At 15, her so-called-best fren left her so she went to a teacher lying bout her dear fren. Now...if u claimed u have been the best of fren since infancy, how could u do that? N after schooldays, she left without a trace...n when she finally came back into my life, she feels as tho I hold a few grudges against her. Now lemme see...do I? Even a fucking insane person would know the obvious answer. N I think the only reason that she wanted to be my fren at that time was becoz no one...not a single person...wanted to be her fren...well...until at 17, suddenly she found a bunch of frens that absolutely adore her n she just left...like that. Am I person or a pit-stop here ppl?

Owh...n at 17, I found a very interesting individual. God knows I adore her so much. She's the sweetest fren...so loyal...she would do anything for me...n she did. Promised that we would be the best of frens until the end of our lives. But took me 3 years of silent wishes on my bday n a statement saying that she really does forgets when's my bloody bday to realise that even a so-called-best fren could forget n not care bout me the minute they don't need me anymore. But know this dear fren, I do still luv u very much...

N they say I have trust issues...

N they ask me how can I be a vengeful person...

Now...wut is a fren?

Huhu...ppl must think I'm a bloody loser now...ppl always leaving me behind...n me bitching bout them here...now...but despite these ppl...I do have my angels...I really do..

kawan kawaq tersayang katanya

ampa time nk syiok..
nk huha huha gila meroyan..
nk geli geli..
prabeh duit makpak memba..
wat muka cekang kot jalan tat..
ngorat marka sana sini..
ngata kt org..
ramai laaa..pakat turon sepuak setalam sedusun..
pantang lepa ja..tak suroh pn ampa mai..
kemain baek lagi tem tu..
time susah..nk mampos..nk minta hulurkan sumbangan ringankan beban..terkapai kapai da maselah..
cam naharaammm~~
dan dan ngantok..biji..da kurija..penat..tak dak duit.marka merajok la.nk kena blk umah la
macam masam alesan ampa lintang..
pandai pelesing kot laen noh..
dlm pala duk terpacak ayat "adoi.dia ni membebankan la.leceh betoi"
adehh...plek..
tau ka maksud "kawan" tu apa???
dulu tem mola mola nk kenai ckp apa??
"hai.nama apa??nk kwn boleh??"
pehtu time bekelai..putus kawan..mluat..benci..suma ada..
buang camtu ja..dan dan kata babai..
nk kwn kwn sampe mati xleh ka xkira la dia baek ka burok ka hina dina ka..
kita pn bkn elok baguih merelit tara mana pong cakpong..

nama aku hat betoi betoi..

namaku kalu ikot nk glemer punya pasai..BUDIMAN..aku tau..aku sgt tak berbudi juga sgt kuran imannya..yala manosia..mesti tak perfek.tapi pas p kurija kt sbuah firma guaman..tudiaa pemuhong..depa panggei aku INCIK MULIADI..padahal hina nk mampuih..aku malu..terkam jabatan pendaftaran truih..mintak tukar la tu gak..jadi la ZAKARIA..baru rasa suci..kluaq ja dari opis da marka ngorat..tanya nama..aku habaq la..tau tau dia kata aku gila seks..aku suwoh dia panggil aku ZAKAR ja pn..areemmm..kuciwa lagi..p tukaq wat kali keempatnya..boh nama hat pekan skt..DANIEL FAKRI nama diberi..pehhhh~~turon town..org pakat duk seru aku plek ngat kot..FAK!!FUCK!!oohh..nama aku punya pasai depa duk kaut dosa..sapa suwoh pggl..lantak lah wahai sang jebon tua..elok skt dari duk boh nama puteri putera..padahal kecik kecik branak tepi paret..duk sekup brudu rata cerok da ati nk jadi KERAbat diraja..pastu boh nama "baby" "b"..cam pelaq..tua meregon nk mampus dh..lagi bopa tapak ja nk pii kuboq duk brasa diri comel,cute,manjer,dan seangkatan dgnnya la kunon..puii...